


10:47 am

by haechns



Series: until you leave me [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Hair Brushing, Hurt/Comfort, Leaving Home, M/M, Mentions of Sexual Content, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, not really that happy though, showering, theyre in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:48:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25564621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haechns/pseuds/haechns
Summary: renjun leaves jaemin at 10:47 tomorrow morning, and neither boy is doing a fantastic job handling it. they can make it through, though, they have no choice.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Series: until you leave me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904818
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	10:47 am

**Author's Note:**

> this was CRAZY to write and i have no idea how i managed to write this many words,,,, i really really really hope you enjoy!!!!!

Renjun stuffed the last of his t-shirts into one of his two suitcases, trying to fit as many things as he can. It's then he notices the one swept halfway under his bed, baby blue with a tiny smiley face in the center. 

Jaemins.

He brought the shirt up to his nose, breathing in the scent of the boy he loved more than anything in the whole wide world. He would do anything to stay, even just a minute longer, but his plane departed at 10:47 the next morning and there was nothing he could do to prevent its departure.

Renjun couldn't bear the thought of leaving. It hurt his heart. It wrecked Jaemin, too, bringing him to knock on Renjuns door at odd hours, tears running down his cheeks, just wanting to be in Renjun’s presence. He took as much as he could get in their last few weeks. A lot of dinners, a lot of drinking, and even more very hot sex, which they decided to stop having much before Renjun left.

Jaemin figured Renjun would be a mess, as well as himself, so they decided their last time should be one that didn't involve any tears. 

But, tomorrow was the day. The day that Renjun goes back to China. The day Jaemin loses the love of his life for god knows how long, their only contact through late-night facetime calls and texts.

Renjun sniffles, deciding to replace his current shirt with the one he discovered under the bed, nicely folding his previous one, just so he could sneak it into Jaemins bedroom at some point in the next 12 hours.

It's not like they didn't take half of each other's closets, but that one last shirt can make all the difference. Jaemin won't pretend he didn't sneak Renjuns favorite sweatshirt of his into his carry on, too. It's sort of a win-win.

He puts his knee on top of his suitcase, trying to zip it while clothes were spilling over the sides. He manages to close it, rolling it next to the rest of his bags. 

He runs his hands along the sides of his shorts as he stands, looking at the bags that contain his whole life inside of them. Every clothing item, charger, trinket, toiletry, and everything he could possibly need to take back home. Except for Jaemin, that is.

No pair of sweatpants or stuffed bears could make up for that. The way that Renjun would miss him, nothing could ever replace what it felt like to be in that boy's arms. Not even his mother, who he missed dearly, could replicate the feeling he got when he was around Jaemin.  
Renjun hated to give him this much credit, too. He hated that he can talk so highly about this boy, and then absolutely crush him the moment he leaves. 

He moves to his neatly made bed, lying on top of his comforter. This he wished he could take with him, but he knew it would be better to leave his bed here, made, untouched. Renjun was guilty of sleeping in Jaemin’s bed when he was gone, holding his pillow as tightly as he could. 

He scrolled through his Instagram feed, trying to distract himself from the muddled sad feelings floating around his body. It was then the door opened, Jaemin sliding in almost silently. His hair was messy, wet, matted to his forehead and dripping down his bare chest. He had a towel in his hand, dragging across the floor as he shut the door. 

“Hi.” Jaemin says, voice soft, audibly about to break. Renjun sits up, a weak smile gracing his lips. He beckoned Jaemin forward, the boy dragging his feet towards the bed. He stood directly in front of Renjun, much taller than he was. Renjun looked small, engulfed in Jaemin’s t-shirt, shoulders caved in like he was holding something heavy.

He was in a way, heart heavier than it ever had been. Jaemin stares down at him, water trailing down onto Renjuns comforter. 

“You're getting it wet, babe. C'mere, let me brush your hair.” Renjun crawls to the other side of the bed, reaching just enough to grab his hairbrush. He returns to the other side, spreading his legs for Jaemin to sit in between. He hands the towel to Renjun, silently, as he sits, allowing him to dry his hair a little more.

Every move either boy made was silent. Renjuns TV turned off a while ago, no white noise to drown out the uncomfortable silence they were swimming in. Renjun brushed through Jaemin’s hair, working out every knot in his auburn locks.

Jaemin wasn't handling it well. He could barely handle it when Renjun would go back for a few weeks, his absence very much noticed. It won't be easy for either party, but they will make it work.

Jaemin had begun learning mandarin to speak to Renjun’s mother, to plan surprise visits, and just to connect with the sweet sweet woman that raised his boy. And if Renjun knew that, he would definitely melt into a puddle on the floor. 

He continued to run the brush through his hair, massaging gently at Jaemins scalp with his fingers. He received a satisfied hum from Jaemin, which signified Renjun to keep doing whatever the hell he's doing. He reached down, placing a kiss to Jaemins ' now dry hair, the smoothest and shiniest Renjun had ever seen it.  
This silent act of kindness made Jaemins' heart warm. He was struggling to find all the right things to say before Renjun left, things that would be better said in his physical presence. 

“All done.” Renjun says, voice barely above a whisper. Jaemin turns around, still sat in between Renjuns legs, and places his hands on Renjuns thighs.

“Thank you, baby.” Jaemin says. He wanted more time. He wanted forever. 

His eyes were glossy, tears making their way to brim at his lash line. Renjun takes his face into his tiny hands, just radiating warmth and love onto Jaemins’ skin.

Renjun knew this was taking a much bigger toll on Jaemin. He hated to see Jaemin so broken, and could barely imagine what it would be like when he's actually gone. Don't get Renjun wrong, his heart was in pieces as well, but Jaemin was more upset than Renjun had ever seen him.

“Cmon. Come up here. Lay with me.” Renjun says, hoping his voice wouldn't break in the middle of his sentence. Jaemin obliged, digging his knee into the bed. He stood in front of the love of his life, who held his arms wide open for Jaemin to crawl into.

And he did.

Jaemin’s head rested on Renjuns’ shoulder, buried right into the crook of his neck. He could smell his own cologne on the shirt hanging off Renjuns collarbones, bringing a sense of home to him.

He was home. Tucked neatly into Renjuns side, held tightly in the arms he loved more than anything in the whole world.

This was all new for Renjun, who was typically the one being held, not the one doing the holding. But he would do absolutely anything to make Jaemin comfortable.

“I leave tomorrow.” Renjun whispers.

“I know.”

Tears drop down Renjun’s cheeks as he takes in a shaky breath. 

“I don't wanna leave you.” 

Now it's Jaemins turn to cry.

“I know.” he says, a sob leaving right behind it.  
Renjun takes a deep breath, tears running down his face as he just pulls Jaemin tighter, holding onto his boy for dear life. Jaemins’ grip also tightens, never wanting to let Renjun go.

The pain they were both feeling was unimaginable. They knew how difficult long distance was going to be, and they knew the toll it could possibly take on their relationship. But they were willing to weather the storm. 

They cried into each other's arms, the feeling of Jaemin’s body against his like fireworks blasting all around the sky.

Jaemin was Renjuns kryptonite. Plain and simple. He is his only weakness.

Right now, they are both so weak. They've never experienced the agonizing pain that comes with losing the contact between the one they love most. 

Renjun drew circles on Jaemins back, distracting himself from the upsetting reality at hand. It was almost too hard to believe, but it was true, and very much happening. 

They lay there for hours, barely speaking, just enjoying being with each other for as long as they possibly could.

“It's almost two in the morning, angel. You've got a plane to catch in the morning.” Jaemin mumbles, voice tired and groggy. They switched positions, Renjun lying flat on top of Jaemin, chest to chest. Renjun nods, turning off the lamp that barely illuminated their faces.

“I’m gonna get up early.” Renjun starts, placing a sweet kiss on Jaemin’s jawline.

“Wanna spend my morning with you. I can sleep on the plane.” 

Jaemin hums, kissing the very top of Renjun’s head.

“Sleep your very best, Huang. I love you more than anything imaginable.”

That one stung. Although Jaemin said this every single night before they slept, it still hurt. This would be the last time he heard it in person for quite some time, and he wasn't prepared for it.

Renjun didn't consider the little things. The tiny kisses to his temple when he was about to leave the house. The tickle fights when Jaemin refuses to get out of bed. The conversations that stretch well into the middle of the night, to the point that Renjuns eyes can't even manage to stay open.

It's always the little things. Renjun thinks about everything that Jaemin has ever done, thankful beyond belief that he is the boy of his dreams. 

-

It was an unimaginable day. Renjuns eyes shot open to the annoying ring of his phone, displaying that it was six in the morning and they needed to get up. Renjun already said his goodbyes to everyone else, giving them the biggest, tightest hug he could muster. He saved his best, biggest hug for Jaemin, though. He's the one who's going to need it.

“Jaem, baby, wake up.” Renjuns voice was laced with sleep, deep and thick as he shakes Jaemin awake.

Jaemin groans as his eyes open up, just tugging Renjun closer, holding their bodies together. He never wanted to leave this bed. They were warm here. They were together here.

“We can lay here until we have to leave, or you can take a shower with me right now. Take your pick.” Renjun states, Jaemin barely hesitating to crawl out of bed. He picks Renjun up, slinging him over his shoulder and only holding onto his ass. 

Typical Jaemin.

Renjun giggled, holding around Jaemin’s waist so he doesn't fall to the floor. They were in the bathroom quickly, Renjun sitting on the countertop as Jaemin started the water. 

“Injun?” Jaemin says, turning to Renjun as the boy threw his shirt over his head.

He hums, taking Jaemins large hands in his own. Jaemin bites the inside of his cheek, trying not to smile as he asks the question.

“Just promise me that nothing will ever feel as good as me.” 

Renjun pushes him back by his chest, laughing heartily at Jaemins cheekiness. Again, extremely typical Jaemin. “Yes, I promise. Not even my hand will fill the insatiable need I'll have for you, Na Jaemin.”

He teases back, winking while his hands run up and down the expanse of Jaemin’s chest. Jaemin smiles, his genuine, goofy smile. He looks as beautiful as ever, and Renjun could stare for hours.

“My hair is dirty, let's get in already” Renjun hops off the counter, maneuvering around Jaemin to slip his hands under the waistband of his sweatpants, throwing them in the hamper. Jaemin could keep those. He didn't really like them, anyway. They fit too awkwardly and would look much better on Jaemin’s lanky body.

He slides under the water, relaxing all his tense muscles. It felt nice, like a rush of relief through his system. It didn't take Jaemin long to climb in behind him, wrapping his arms around Renjuns middle.

Renjun held his arms over Jaemins, adoring the feeling of Jaemins skin against his. He wanted to soak up as much Jaemin as he possibly could. This was the best way to do it, if you ask Renjun. 

“Yknow, baby, you could just not go. You could stay here with me, and Jisung would love it and-” 

Renjun turned to wrap his arms around Jaemin’s neck, just squeezing as hard as he could. He knew damn well it would shut Jaemin up, preventing him from voicing the fake euphoria in his head. Renjun didn't have a choice. He had to go home.

“I can't, Jaem. you know I can't. I would do anything to stay here, but I need to do this. I won't ever leave you again after this, I promise.” 

Jaemins hands snake around Renjuns middle again, just holding each other as the water sprays down their bodies. Renjun looks up to press a sweet, small kiss to Jaemin’s lips. 

“My hair, angel. I need to wash my damn hair.” Renjun whispers, forehead to forehead with Jaemin. He giggles, one single tear dropping out of his eye. Renjun kisses his cheek, swiping the tear with his thumb. 

He wished he could say they could be completely content on their final day together. The sadness was suffocating, but they could make it through, with a smile on their faces, nonetheless. 

Renjun squirts his favorite shampoo onto his hand, Jaemin swiping it out. He runs his fingers through Renjuns hair, lathering the shampoo all throughout. He scratches at his scalp,  
Renjun laughing as Jaemin covers his eyes, not letting any soap drip in. 

He's the best boyfriend a boy could ask for. Nobody could ever take his place. He was just the one… plain and simple.

Jaemin then continues to condition Renjuns hair, with the best smelling vanilla conditioner ever. He gets a little soap in his mouth, managing to blow a bubble. Renjun smiles, getting all the soap out of his hair.

Jaemin turns off the water, handing Renjun a towel to wrap around his waist. He does so, stepping out of the bathroom to grab the clean set of clothes he left on his now-empty desk. Renjun did leave a majority of his bedroom decor on the walls, just to leave some more things for Jaemin. And, if he's smart enough, one day he will find the letter written on the back of the largest poster he owns. He dresses in Jaemin’s large hoodie and sweatpants, white socks coating his feet. 

He's drying his hair when Jaemin opens the door, clad in basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

“Wanna come drink coffee with me?” He asks, stretching a hand out to Renjun. Who of course accepts, taking Jaemin’s hand. They sit on the kitchen island, their typical two am “I can't sleep so I’m out here talking to you” spot, where ice cream only tastes good out of the pint. Dishes were stupid, anyway. 

It was 7:23 AM. They had to leave for the airport soon, as it was quite the drive, and didn't want Renjun to be late. 

Renjuns coffee tasted a little different today. He wasn't sure why, it was his typical drink; with a single Splenda and a splash of Italian Sweet Cream. 

“Did you make the coffee any different?” Renjun asks, Jaemins grip on his thigh tightening as he asks the question. Jaemin didn't think so. He wasn't sure, his mind was a tiny bit fuzzy, and the way he made his coffee wasn't really the first thing he was thinking of.

“I don't believe I did, Injun.” he says, drawing hearts on Renjuns thigh with his finger. 

Renjun just finishes the mug, not really caring about the fact that his coffee was a little too sweet. He wanted to get back in bed with Jaemin, which he thinks the other boy will oblige with quite easily. 

They had one more hour before they left their tiny apartment, and Renjun wanted to see Jaemins room one last time before they departed.

“Your room.” Renjun says, stepping off the counter, which seems to be his new chair since that's all he's been sitting on all morning. He places his mug in the sink, leaving Jaemin in the kitchen.

He was surprised that either of them had held it together this well the entire day. Only one single tear. He knew there would be plenty in the airport terminal, and he was saving the big sobs for when he was alone in his plane seat. Jaemin at least had the whole ride home, he could be as loud as he wanted.

He flicks on the light switch, Jaemins obnoxiously bright lightbulb flashing on. He quickly turns it off, settling for the pale morning sunlight that streams in between the blinds. It was a slightly gloomy morning, which was quite fitting to the day they had ahead of them.  
Renjun loved Jaemins' bed. Not as much as his own, but it smelled like him, bringing a smile to his face every time he crawled between the sheets. Jaemin wasn't far behind him, jumping on the bed and narrowly missing Renjun. Renjun smiles, rolling his eyes at Jaemin as he crawls in next to him. 

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Renjun says. Jaemin pokes him in the side, scooting as close as he could. He slides his leg in between Renjuns, inviting him into the warmth of his chest. If he could carve Renjun a space in his sternum, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

He never wanted Renjun to leave the safety of his arms, but he had to. Jaemin knew that but refused to accept it. He just wanted to keep Renjun safe and sound, listening to the beat of Jaemin’s heart. 

“I don't ever wanna leave this bed.” Jaemin whispers into Renjuns hair, barely audible. Renjun heard it though, body going stiff. He didn't either. He really liked the happy bubble he and Jaemin were living in, and popping that bubble seemed so detrimental to their relationship.

“Me either, Jaem.” Renjun draws the letter R over Jaemin’s heart repeatedly, knowing damn well Jaemins heart has been all his since the day they met. It made Jaemin happy though, the reassurance that Renjun will forever be his.

Renjun listened to Jaemin’s heartbeat, soothing the anxiety he had quite a bit. Jaemin is his safe place. 

“We should probably leave soon, baby.” Jaemin says, trying to block out what will come to him within the next few hours. 

A part of him was thankful that Jeno and Donghyuck were driving him home, just so he had someone to hold him while he sobbed. He knew he would, and he knew they could help. He also wanted to be alone. He wanted to see nobody unless it was Renjun.

Renjun didn't have either luxury. He had his first-class plane ticket, where he could at least pull a curtain in front of himself.

“Yeah. I don't want to, though.” Renjun was gonna miss this apartment. He was gonna miss the annoying buzz of Jaemins fan and the loud, horrid pop music from the people that live above them. He loves his life in Korea, and restarting in China will be all but easy. 

It's now 8:53 am. They need to leave. Renjun rubbed Jaemins back for thirty minutes, talking about any and everything they could think of. Old memories, stories, and much more that made soft giggles fall from Renjuns lips.

“Let’s go load your stuff and say goodbye to the house, yeah?” Jaemin says, tugging himself out of bed. Renjun grabs his wrist, pulling himself up as well, slotting Jaemins lips with his. It was a quick kiss, a silent reminder of all the love Renjun had for him. 

They grab all of Renjuns things in one trip, the keys spinning around Jaemin’s finger. Renjun takes one last look at his apartment of the last year, a tear rolling silently down his cheek. 

“Let’s go.” he whispers, wiping the tear from his cheek. 

He shut the door behind him, trying to find the easiest way to leave his entire life behind. The quicker he got out, the less he would feel it. Renjun knew this logic didn't apply to leaving Jaemin in that damn airport terminal, as he could get lost staring at him for hours. He couldn't just up and walk away from Jaemin.

Jaemin nods his head, leading them into the elevator. He leans over to press a kiss into the side of Renjuns head, ruffling his hair a little. Renjun showed a weak smile, trying to give Jaemin some sort of satisfaction.

They pack the car quickly, as Renjun managed to pack everything he needed into two suitcases and a carry on bag. He slides into the passenger seat, wiping his face. He was anything but excited for the red, puffy cheeks he was bound to have. 

Jaemin sat in the driver's seat, not wanting to start the car. He turned to Renjun, who looked oh so tiny, swallowed by the hoodie he was wearing. Jaemins fingers graze Renjuns jaw, the boy facing him. Jaemin pressed a sweet kiss to the very tip of Renjun’s nose, turning the key in the ignition.

And off they were. 

Jaemins hand rested on Renjun’s thigh, his fingers being gently played with by Renjun’s own delicate hands. Slightly out of nervousness, and also just to remind himself Jaemin was there. He was with him. They're together, and they still have time. 

9:17 AM. They had quite the drive ahead of them, and Renjun was going to do anything he could to keep his hands on Jaemin. He held his hand for most of the ride, a calm wave crashing over his body. Jaemins slender fingers intertwined with his made Renjun feel safe, warm, and nothing could ever take that feeling away.

Except for the thousands of miles that were going to separate their hands.

“It's all gonna be okay, you know? I will come to visit, and you can come to visit, and see how much I fuck up the apartment, and it will all be okay again. I will see you and everything will be okay again, right?” Jaemin splutters, his voice shaky and just on the edge of breaking.  
Renjun doesn't know how to respond. He just wants to crawl into Jaemin’s lap and wrap his arms around his neck and promise him he will stay forever. He can't do either of those things, and it's absolutely wrecking him.

But, as Jaemin said, it will all be okay. Everything will work out, and Renjun believes that's true. They will grow from this, and of course, they will miss each other like hell, but they will always be a phone call away.

“Yeah, baby. Everything will be just fine. Don't mess with the theme of the bathroom, or I’ll seriously break up with you.” Renjun has a genuine smile on his face as he says it. It makes a small laugh tumble from Jaemin’s mouth, squeezing Renjun’s hand. 

They arrived at the airport a little earlier than expected, and Renjun had an idea. He made Jaemin sit in the backseat, confusing the poor boy as he just sat there, waiting for Renjun to get back in the car.

He opens the door on Jaemins' side, the boy furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. Renjun begins to climb onto his lap, and that's when it clicks.

Jaemin needs to hold him.

And he does. He wraps his arms around Renjun’s tiny frame, hands sliding up and under his sweatshirt. Renjuns arms snake around Jaemin’s neck, head resting on the boy's shoulder. Jaemin places kisses into Renjuns hair, resting his head on top of Renjuns. 

“I’ll miss you, Jaemin. Like, a suffocating amount. And I’m so sorry to do this to you, but…” Renjun sniffles, trying to hold back tears as he tries to finish his words.

“I have to. I know you don't want to hear that, but I have to. Don't let this hold you back. Please. I will always be a single text away. You'll always be on my mind, Na Jaemin. I love you, more than words can say, and I’m so fucking sorry, baby, I really truly am, I’m so-” Renjuns collapsed into a puddle of tears at this point, cut off by Jaemins incessant shushing.

Jaemin knew. He knew how Renjun felt. All that mattered to Jaemin was that Renjun was warm, safe, and happy. He could be those things and more back home in China, and Jaemin completely understands that.

It doesn't make it hurt any less. 

10:03 am. Renjun needs to go inside. 

“Do you want me to go in, or do you want me to stay out here?” Jaemin whispers, unsure of what to do. He didn't want Renjun to go. He wanted one more day. One more minute.  
“I can't carry all this on my own.” Renjun giggles, wiping the tears off his face. He crawls off of Jaemin, only to grab him by the face and give him the biggest kiss he could.

Their pretty pink bubble popped the exact moment their lips disconnected. That's when it hit them both. It's time.

They leave the car, Jaemin dragging both of Renjuns suitcases and not letting Renjun take one. He seriously could have taken all of this himself, no issue, but he wanted a few more minutes. Just a little bit more time. 

It takes a while for them to get Renjuns bags through so they would be there when he landed, but they managed, Jaemin grasping tightly onto Renjun’s hand the entire time.

Renjun wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s waist, looking up towards him. He stuck his tongue out, eliciting a tiny giggle from Jaemin, who leaned down and kissed the very top of Renjun’s head.

Jaemin was finally coming to peace with the idea. He finally understood that there was no way to avoid the inevitable, and he had to deal with it, whether he liked the idea or not. This didn't mean Jaemins emotions were any less strong, he just knew this was the way it was going to be.

He wanted to cry, regardless. He wanted to sob until the world ended. Jaemin was unsure what his life was going to look like without Renjun physically in the picture, and he really didn't want to find out. Jaemin was going to handle it, though. He can handle it. 

Renjun tapped his fingers against the side of his thigh. He knew he needed to leave, he needed to go through security and find his terminal, but he almost physically couldn't. Renjun felt paralyzed.

He knew it was time. He needed to go. But he couldn't leave Jaemin. Renjun doesn't know what lies ahead of him, but he knows that right here, right now, Jaemin is the best person in his life.

“It's okay, baby, you can go. Go be amazing. Give your mom a hug for me.” Jaemin says, voice shaky as he takes Renjuns face in his hands. Renjun takes a deep breath, closing the gap between his and Jaemin’s bodies.

He holds tight around Jaemin’s waist, never wanting to let go again. He would stand here, sobbing in the middle of the airport, hugging Jaemin for the rest of his life.

If there was a pause button, he would press it. He would never resume it, either, just staying with Jaemin. That's all Renjun could possibly want.

Jaemin held him back. Tight. He hugged Renjun as hard as he could, lifting the boy's feet off the ground. He was an absolute mess, crying almost as hard as he was hugging Renjun.

“I'm gonna kiss you…” Renjun sobs, his head tucked into Jaemin’s shoulder. He could barely speak, violently crying between almost every word. “And then I have to walk away. Or I won't leave. I fucking love you.” 

And with that, Renjun and Jaemin share a long, sweet kiss in the middle of the airport. It still felt new. It still made butterflies rise in Jaemin’s stomach. A blush still formed on Renjun’s teary cheeks.

Their lips detach, and Renjun gives Jaemin one final look. His eyes swimming in a hint of deep, deep sadness. But they were loving, and Jaemin knew how in love with him he was.

Renjun turns, taking his hands out of Jaemins, and leaves. He has to walk away, he has to, and it is heartbreaking. He cries as he walks towards security, swallowed in Jaemins hoodie, wanting nothing more than to just curl up in his arms. 

That was when his phone went off, the tiny vibration sending shivers up his spine. He didn't want to talk to anyone, seeing just a small glimpse of Jaemin as he goes his own way as well. He sees it’s from Jaemin, a smile making its way to his face through the tears. 

Jaemin was hurting. He just wanted Renjun. Nothing could make up for the absence of the boy who he loved so dearly. Absolutely nothing. 

jaem<33333: check the pocket of your hoodie, my love

Renjuns eyebrows furrowed in confusion, digging his hand into the pocket. There he found a piece of paper, folded 1000 different ways, his name on the top. He smiles, feeling tears make their way to his eyes.

He responded, saying he was going to read the contents of the note on the plane, and that he loved him a lot. Jaemin was crying into Donghyucks arms in the back of his car right now, heart aching like it never had before.

The boarding for Renjuns plane had begun. He handed his ticket to the lady, who looked at him with a pitiful smile on her face. 

“Tough day?” she asks, checking his ticket and handing it back to him. He nods, wondering if the tear stains were as awful as he thought they were.

“Had to leave my boyfriend here while I move countries. Really shitty.” He tells the stranger, who cant judge him. It made his chest hurt when he finally said it out loud. He was leaving Jaemin behind. 

Renjun tried to keep in mind that he really had no choice in moving, and if he did, he would stay in Korea with the boy of his dreams.

“I seem to hear similar stories a lot these days. Don’t forget hes still in your heart, kid. And if you trust him, and love him, you will have no problem. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, isn’t that the saying?”

Renjun smiles, taking in the words of the woman. He thanks her, heading to sit in his seat. Renjun was so eager to read whatever Jaemin had scrawled on this piece of notebook paper. It was just one more piece of Jaemin he could take with him, and he was so happy to hold it against his heart.

He got settled into his seat, his plane about to take off. Renjun watches out the window as they move rapidly down the runway, finally in the air.

It isn’t long once they are actually flying that Renjun unfolds the letter, looking at Jaemin’s messy handwriting. The contents of the letter make him sob uncontrollably, trying not to look like a maniac to the other 30 people around him.

"My silly boy,

You are ethereal. Something out of a dream. I could not even begin to grasp at the idea that you are all mine. Mine. Mine mine mine mine mine. It feels so good to say. Knowing that I got the opportunity to wake up every day to see your gorgeous face makes me feel so comforted. Even though I won’t get that luxury anymore, I’m beyond grateful for what I did get to experience, baby. I got to pick you up and kiss you after a long, long day, and for that I’m thankful. I got to hold you for hours while we talked about everything you worried your pretty little head about, working out your issues, and for that I’m thankful. I’m so damn thankful for everything, Injun. I really don’t wanna get sappy on you, but there are already tears dropping onto this piece of paper so I might as well just drop my every thought;

I want to spend my every second with you. I want to kiss you just one more time. Or thousands of times. I know you can’t stay in Korea right now, Renjun, and I really just want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay that I’m staying and you’re going. It is all going to be okay here, and you’re going to have the best time back in China. I know you don’t need me to be happy, and I want you to be the happiest you’ve ever been in your life, whether that includes me in your physical presence or not.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You know damn well ill have a ring ready the first time you come visit me, Injun. So please say yes, or that will be quite embarrassing for me. I guess I just want to say I love you more than life, and I will only ever be a single text away. Seriously, ill drop everything for you. Live your very best, Huang, I love you more than anything imaginable. 

From, your lover boy.

ps- im gonna miss having sex with you. like, a lot. so please come visit me soon."

The letter, which threw knives at Renjun’s already weak heart, made him so warm. It also gave him some closure and a sense of relief. Jaemin really worked hard to make it special for him to read, and Renjun is eternally grateful as well. 

Renjun almost feels okay as he tucks the letter into his phone case, so he always has a reminder of Jaemins love attached to him at every moment. He’s content as he can be, and that’s all that matters. 

He can love Jaemin as hard as he can, even from thousands of miles away, and that is all that could possibly matter.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u sm :( writing sad renmin was hard, and ngl i did shed a few tears writing it. leave me a comment telling me how u feel. maybe i can write a second part of a visit, maybe??? lemme know!!!!!


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